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0 By Harley Galarneau
For many of us, the first eighteen years of our lives were dictated by the pursuit of one question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Whether you changed your mind a million times, were pressured by family, gained a last-minute burst of inspiration, or are still trying to see what fits, the direction of your life has shifted. No longer are there finite milestones every person will cross. The so-called greatest years of your life were either bittersweet and anticlimactic or overtly emotional and dramatic; either way are glad to be over with. The first day of high school? Gone. Graduation? Gone. Off you go into the world, little bird! We’ve taught you how wings should work, but never what kind of bird you actually are. Good luck figuring it out!
Now, the path we walk is our own, and this new direction in life follows the question of identity. It is no longer what we want to be, but who are we? It has been said by thousands of oversaturated college FAQ videos that college is the place to find yourself. If you make new friends, try out new hobbies, and go out of your comfort zone, you will learn who you are. So, you went to that SU social event, exchanged Instagrams with the person next to you in one of your classes, and managed to make yourself speak to a barista at Market Coffee about a forgotten alteration after ordering on Boost. Tada! You now know who you are! Right?
Unfortunately, self-discovery and identity aren’t linear processes that can be cultivated by a few quick tips for a broad, generalized group of people. The heart is there, as putting yourself out there and making new experiences allows you to learn what you like and dislike, though the compression of such nuanced, hyperdependent advice can leave students feeling odd, broken, and uncertain why they aren’t bursting with self-confidence. I want to assure you that there is nothing wrong with how you’re feeling, and I am thrilled to expand on the importance of self-expression and the tools that can expand it in today’s article. My credential? I am an unapologetic storyteller. This author has never not been vocal on the epic that is human expression.
Dismantling Your Dependence On Conformity
One of the many beautiful capabilities of humanity is our differences. You are you, and as such, there is no one else quite like you. Hence, only you get the true and ultimate say in how you show up, not just within society, but for yourself. At the end of the day, you’re the one you go to bed with. You’re the one you wake up with. You are always going to have you, so live as the you that you love the most.
Breaking Past Societal Shame & Welcoming Change
Being contradictory is part of the nauseating fun of self-discovery. Mistakes are the milestones we don’t know we long for! You can change! A hobby or a major isn’t an identity. Work isn’t an identity. We are human beings, not human doings. Unlike many species, we possess the ability to choose rather than just survive. So choose constantly. Choose differently. Allow yourself to choose. It does not need to be exact, nor absolute. It can be ever-evolving, much like yourself. That is its purpose.
Death To Cringe Culture
Much like art, self-expression has a wide variety of mediums. It isn’t just depicting how you look or dress, but also how you feel and show your emotions. Again, like art, using your emotions in the former can further expand your sense of self. Those mismatched clothes that you now only pull out on laundry day, ask yourself why you won’t wear them in public. Is the pattern off? Will you get weird looks? Does it just look plain ridiculous to your roommates? Only one question truly matters: Did you smile when you first saw it? If it’s a yes, then forget everybody else. Associate by emotion, not external judgment. Put those pins on your bag. Wear that colourful makeup. Impulsively cut your hair. Proudly line your figurine collection on the bookshelf. Subjecting yourself to a duller life just because someone might view it as “cringe” is worse than having a dull life to begin with. You have a choice to brighten yours with what genuinely makes you happy, so do it.
No, this list was not compiled of hyperspecific scenarios on how to socialize or party your way to an identity. Self-discovery is called what it is for a reason, key word being self. Only you can learn who you are, and more realistically than not, it’s the internal work that allows you to grasp that concept, not external gratification. You don’t need to find out what kind of bird you are; you decide it. Or a flying squirrel, or some other airborne creature that works with this metaphor. Be a fricking dragon for all we care (please be a dragon, that would be so cool). The point is, it is your choice, no one else’s. So choose to be someone you’ll enjoy waking up to every day.
