Written by: Shawn Funk
Christmas music is nauseating past the first week of December. We gravitate to the same worn-out classics every year. These songs are on the radio, in every playlist, and heard at every Christmas event. You know the ones I am talking about; I won’t mention them. They burrow into the mind, leaving you humming away like a good little automaton. This year, dare to stand against the oppressive canon of Christmas music! The classics need a rest. Here are five albums on Spotify that blast the traditions of Christmas past.
Snoop Dogg Presents Christmas in tha Dogghouse. (2008)
Get funked up on Snoop Dogg’s Christmas shizzle. This album captures the sounds of R&B and rap music from the early 2000s. None of these songs are classics re-imagined, but original Christmas-themed R&B songs. Collaborators include Nate Dogg, Kurupt, Damani, Soopafly, and Bad Lucc, among many others. My favourite licks are “My Little Mama Trippin’ on Christmas” and “Look Out.”
Twisted Sister A Twisted Christmas (2006)
I want you, to want . . . a very hairy Christmas. This fusion of 80s hard rock with familiar Christmas titles is sure to impress your favourite stepdad. Dee Snider combines familiar classics like “Let It Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow” and “Deck the Halls” with our favorite riffs from Thin Lizzy, Judas Priest, AC/DC, and others. Dee Snider does a brilliant job capturing the energy, angst, and rebelliousness of the hair metal genre while celebrating the traditions of the Christmas spirit. Contradiction?
Afroman A Colt .45 Christmas (2006)
Afroman sings about what he loves: marijuana, alcohol, and women. He also sings about what he hates, the police. His songs are either downright offensive or hilarious, depending on who you ask. Afroman uses all the old melodies but changes the lyrics. With song titles like “Police blow my wad,” “Let her Blow,” and “O Chronic Tree”, it’s best not to play this album when Grandma is around; she might not be around after hearing it.
Christopher Lee A Heavy Metal Christmas (2012) and A Heavy Metal Christmas Too (2013)
Christopher Lee is best known by us young‘uns as the fearsome Saruman the White in the Lord of The Rings Trilogy. Many don’t know that he is a heavy metal enthusiast with a few recordings under his belt. Well, with a voice that deep and menacing, heavy metal comes easy. Listen to his terrifying version of “Little Drummer Boy,” complete with the darkest vocalizations and the gnarliest face-melting solo I have ever heard in a Christmas song. I thought I was listening to Rammstein!
Jacob Miller Natty Christmas (2012)
It’s the most stressful time of the yeeeaaar! Mellow out with a reggae Christmas. This album pairs well with a blunt and has excellent replayability owing to the forgetfulness brought on by marijuana. Familiar Christmas songs are set against smooth reggae grooves that make your shoulders move, breathing new life into worn-out classics. Need I say more? Oh, right, I wish you an irie Christmas.
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